I was planning on just not mentioning my rather colossal break between updates but couldn’t help thinking of various excuses that I could use to explain it. This is exactly the sort of thing that I do if I’m running late for work; I go through a list of very plausible, very reasonable, and highly sympathy-inducing reasons as to why I’m late and then normally just end up saying “I’m sorry I’m late. It’s all my fault. I have no decent excuse.”
What follows are my potential excuses for not updating that I have considered using.
-I forgot my login details.
-The dog ate my login details.
-The internet wasn’t working.
-The dog ate my internet.
-I was unable to express anything because I was working on a highly secretive government project.
-I was busy.
-I took six months out to go travelling. To the moon.
-There was an embargo on my writing.
-The dog ate my embargo.
-I had Amnesia.
-I lost my keyboard.
-The people close to me introduced me to a twelve-step program in order to get over my writing.
-Due to a statutory quirk, keeping a blog had become illegal for the last six months.
-The Planetary alignment was all wrong.
-Being embroiled in a secret plot to uncover a drug smuggling ring, any blog post could reveal my IP address and location, thus putting me at risk.
-I had nothing to write about.
-My flatmates told me not to write.
-The dog told me not to write.
-A breach in the space-time continuum required my attention and therefore I couldn’t write anything without generating a paradox and accidentally giving myself the lottery numbers for next week.
My real reason of course is that I am, as ever, a scatterbrain that struggles to stick to a single project for any length of time. I appear to have developed an addiction to starting new projects, but an absolute phobia of seeing them through to the end. Join me again in six months time for my next entry.
In my job interview I actually confessed that I’m frequently five minutes late. I’m pretty sure my boss thought it was a joke.